Archive for December, 2011

Maria Alvarez

Posted: December 26, 2011 in Movies
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She came out of the shower and sat down in a corner of a Woody Allen  special yellow tinted room wearing just a white towel. She lit the white slender cigarette, took a long drag and exhaled a cloud of smoke as I gazed at her bright innocent eyes in the smoky background. I wished I could actually smell the smoke. Know what she inhaled and exhaled. Bandidas, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Blow …. I’m pretty sure by now it’s clear what we are talking about today. If you haven’t figured it out yet, you need to have your head examined. If you are a guy and you still haven’t figured it out yet, then maybe you need to have some other parts of your body examined as well. The sensational, sensuous, seductive…the heartbeat-stopping, mouth-watering, goosebumps-raising..the living, breathing symbol of elegance, sensuousness, beauty…the woman of my dreams …. Penelope Cruz. The reason why she made it to this post of ours is something that needs explaining.  Well to start with I start admiring a lady’s beauty with her eyes ,  and in this case, the big black eyes along with the beautiful long eyelashes alone make her a subject for paintings. Add to that those beautiful, juicy lips framed by the perfectly shaped jawline. This isn’t supposed to be a page for adults but I frequently find myself wishing I could slowly pour honey on them and…..Her long brown shiny hair looks like it belongs to a princess from a fairy tale. Her body… oh, that skin, that complexion, that neck, those arms, those legs, those legs, those legs, and of course, those firm, yummy,….um, never mind.In short, in my opinion, it’s what a sculptor would imagine a goddess to be. Perfect. Period.

That was a little too much I guess. Sorry. I wasn’t being dirty. What she inspires in me is something…..well, spiritual, if you can believe that. Now I have to admit, writing this is getting tougher  and tougher. Why? Because I often forget to breathe when I’m thinking of her, you jackass. And I’m thinking hard now. My mistake, I thought of Jamon Jamon, chokes me every time. If you haven’t seen it yet, please do. If you are a guy and you haven’t seen it yet, you are an idiot, now please do. If you are married, maybe you shouldn’t. The best part, however,  is yet to come, its her accent . If you have seen Bandidas then you will definitely remember the “my name is Maria Alvarez” .  That beautiful raw spanish pronunciation of the rolling “R” makes me feel like learning the language . Her Spanish accent  acts like a add-on to her voluptuous self   . Her smile will always, always make you smile even if you are in the gloomiest mood. Whenever I see her, I feel a warmth inside me, like I can teleport myself near her, maybe talk to her, maybe….

Anyway, enough of that. About her acting skills… two things :

1. What acting skills?

2. Who the hell cares about her acting skills anyway??

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P.S : THIS IS IMPORTANT : We both have girlfriends. If, after this is published, we are murdered in our beds, you’ll know who, and why.

Music is a always a broad spectrum of discussion , not just broad ….VERY broad . However, when I sit down and think about it, I find the topic narrowing down considerably. Why? Because I would classify a lot of what currently passes for music as crap. Not just your ordinary everyday crap, but pure, unadulterated crap. I will attempt to bring to your notice who and why. I believe I am fairly open-minded and I judge most things with a lot of leniency. Still, this classification is important because the music development in recent years have gone from bad to worse . If we rewind  back to early ages of modern music, and by that I mean 70’s music, the bands who ruled the era were Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, The Who, Rolling Stones, Lynyrd Skynyrd , Jimi Hendrix , Janis Joplin , AC DC , The Doors , The Beatles and many more . Now guys, if your favorite bands are not on the list don’t be mad. This is just my list. You are of course entitled to your own. The point is, these guys used analogue instruments which portrayed the music in a beautiful way and they had meaningful lyrics as well .This age was prominent for the birth of psychedelic music .

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If we move to the 80’s then we can mention people wearing sick costumes which had a thousand zippers, leather butt hugging pants and witch-like hair flying all over the place. Examples are Guns and Roses , Def Leppard , Van Halen , Judas Priest . Yes, there were exceptions like U2 and Dire Straits who always maintained a sober appearance. But apart from the appearance if you actually listen to the music then you will realize that those were pretty good too. They had substance and they produced different types of good music . We know this age mostly because of the birth of “metal” .

Lets move to 90’s which is my personal favorite as it started the grunge movement and funk music . They created non commercial music which was pure, soulful and passionate . Examples are Pearl Jam ( my personal favorite ) , Alice in Chains , Nirvana , RHCP , Rage Against the Machine and many more. They had their act, they did not sport the gay 80’s look and were free spirited . They mainly focused on bringing a revolution and reformation of thoughts amongst its listeners . They are/were awesome !!!

The music since 2000’s, however, has just varied mostly from good to pathetic . While its true that we got to hear some real good stuff from Coldplay, Audioslave, Norah Jones, John Mayer, Poets of the fall, we also had to survive trash from SOAD (system of a down) , Blink 182 , Sum41 , Limp Bizkit and many more. A word here. On principle we wouldn’t even deign to discuss Britney Spears, Beyonce, JLo or Justin Bieber. To get back to music, I don’t care who won which award . They suck. They are just a bunch of half hearted musicians who thought just by playing a few power chords and banging the drum and shouting nonsense on the mic they will become another Eddie Vedder or Kurt Cobain . They use lyrics which, amazingly, is completely devoid of purpose, meaning, thought or emotions. They just put some scattered noise together with a lot of slang and numerous uses of the f-word,  mix it with some studio modified digital noise and then claim they are “singing.” You can get a clear picture if you listen to their live performances where they perform their original compositions where the mistakes are uncorrectable  . They dress like clowns and just make weird faces and makeups to attract attention and sell CDs.They all look the same and they all sound the same . Pathetic.

Like I said in the beginning, this is My opinion. If you differ , that’s OK, but don’t expect me to pay attention… If you aspire to become a musician, please, listen to some real music, not Linkin Park or, for God’s sake, Justin Bieber. Please, learn something about music before you go up on your college fest stage just to press some buttons and do some scratching . Please.

Intro

Posted: December 22, 2011 in introduction
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Welcome to the first ever broadcast of the loony radio channel. We are two morons who can be cited as perfect examples of the failure of the Indian education system. We conduct computer literacy classes over the phone for a living. I’m sure you can tell from that how well we get paid. This blog is born for two reasons. One :  a complete lack of better things to do, which is not surprising. Two : a vague dream of making some money in an indefinite future. Now that is strange. Our friends do not usually consider us that stupid, but there you go.

We tried doing a little homework on what a successful blog should be like. “Be focused.” All the tutorials and guides and experts said.  “Find out what you are really and consistently interested in, find out what you are an expert on, and keep writing on that. ” Well, we tried following that path, and crashed into two different walls simultaneously. For one thing, we are interested in a lot of things. Movies, Metal, Grunge, Photography, Food, Whiskey, Girls, Chicks, Babes, Women, Porn, Politics, Football….. you get the drift. Wall number two. We honestly don’t think we can call ourselves experts on anything.

So, we shall take the road less traveled by, and write about anything and everything we want. And you can go to hell if you don’t like that. Oh yes, if you really hate us, let us know. We would send you Christmas cards. Some would say we won’t make money this way. Well, guess what, we don’t make much of it anyway. And we don’t really care. The real aim, is to waste other people’s time along with ours.

You are welcome, and Merry Christmas!!