Why I HATE This Kolaveri Di.

Posted: January 3, 2012 in Music
Tags: , , ,

Did you read Chacha Chowdhury comics when you were a kid? If you did, then I’m sure you remember that volcanoes used to erupt in the planet Jupiter when Sabu, the immortal and indestructible giant, was angry. However, do you know what can make Sabu‘s head erupt in flames even when he is far away from earth, taking a stroll in Jupiter? Easy. Rajnikanth singing Kolaveri Di from his home in Chennai.

I agree. That’s a bad joke. I’m sorry. But given what we are talking about, I can’t do any better than that.

Let’s get one thing clear here. I don’t care how much you like it, I don’t care how many people like it, I don’t care which celebrity endorsed it, I Hate that f**king song. I hate it.

You think it’s a great song because it went “viral” on the internet? You think it’s a great song because Japanese women were seen dancing to it? Well let me tell you what else women were seen doing. Let me tell you what else got viral on the  internet recently.  A video of two women taking a crap in a cup and then eating from it. (Google “2 girls 1 cup” if you don’t believe me.) Get the picture?

I’m told the composer wrote this piece of crap in about 5 minutes. Yes pal, I can see that. If you had put a little more thought into it, you would have come up with something more suited to the human species. Some people are claiming that the lyrics are simple and easy to understand, even for common people who know nothing about music. Really? I know nothing about music. Would somebody please explain

distance la moon-u moon-u, moon-u  color-u  white-u, white background night-u nigth-u, night-u color-u black-u” to me?

People are explaining very somberly how this song is about a boy in great pain who is trying to express his feelings after he got dumped by the girl he loved. They are discussing very seriously how beautiful an expression of melancholy this “song” is. I’m sorry. I’m a bit lost here. Which part of the song am I supposed to deduce all that poetry from? ” lovvu lovvu, oh my lovvu, you showed me bouv-u,cow-u cow-u holi cow-u, i want u hear now-u” ??? About the tune being catchy, well, I’d rather listen to catchier tunes than this. Most notably “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and “Happy Birthday to You.”

And please, let’s drop the excuse that it must be good because so many people are hooked to it. Please. People are hooked to abominations like Bigg Boss and Splitsvilla too, aren’t they?  People are fans of baba ramdev and rakhi sawant too, aren’t they? A  lot of people are impressed by the fact that this farce got praised by a lot of famous  people, like both Bachchans, Shahid Kapoor, Vidya Balan et al. Are you really so stupid that the word “marketing” doesn’t occur to you? Besides, let’s not forget, this “song” has the blessings of Rajnikanth. If somebody says anything against this, he’d be speaking against Rajnikanth. And let’s not forget, even Rajnikanth doesn’t speak against Rajnikanth.

My respects to Javed Akhtar for speaking out. He went ahead and said what every sensible person knew to be true, but wouldn’t say aloud for fear of going against the trend and be called uncool. He wrote, “Every one is praising the robes but the emperor is naked. Tune ordinary, singing substandard. words an insult to sensibility…” Couldn’t agree with you more Sir.

And our Anna Hazare has got it all wrong. Instead of starving himself to death, he should sit down in front of parliament and sing Kolaveri Di till the Govt. agrees to Lokpal and anything else he asks for. I bet it wouldn’t take 3 renditions.

One final word. I’m sorry if anyone is offended by my cracks about Rajnikanth. Please. I didn’t mean to. I respect that man immensely. And I’m sure when Rajnikanth farts ( if he does at all), it produces much better music than this kolaveri di.

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