Author Archive

When you see an erotic novel, er..a trilogy topping the bestseller charts, you naturally assume that the books have something more than, well, “kinky f**kery” as the author of the said trilogy describes it. Turns out you could be wrong. The Fifty Shades trilogy, which is made up of the books “Fifty Shades of Grey“, “Fifty Shades Darker” and “Fifty Shades Freed“, offers little more than some extremely detailed and just moderately innovative sex.

E.L. James, the author of the series, used to write fanfiction. Fifty Shades, I’m told, is an adaptation of a fanfiction (If you can believe there’s such a thing) that she wrote on the Twilight Series. Now if you have read a few fanfictions, and I have, you’ll have noticed two common traits present in most of them. One, the authors always make the characters bigger and grander than in the original books, sort of a pathetic bid to outdo the original authors. Two, a lot and a lot and a lot of completely unnecessary sex. If that sounds bad in the context of Twilight, believe me, there are fan-written versions of Harry Potter that will make you gag.

Anyway, to get back to the topic at hand : Fifty Shades fits those two characteristics perfectly. Edward in Twilight was good-looking.  Christian Grey of Fifty Shades is impossibly good-looking and handsome. Edward and his family was rich. Christian of Fifty Shades earns “roughly a hundred thousand dollars an hour” and belongs to an old rich family. Bella’s mom and dad were divorced. Anastasia Steele’s mom has been through no less than four husbands. Get the picture?

As for the second characteristic that I mentioned of fanfictions, you are not going to be disappointed. In fact, you might get tired of it by the end of the first part and find yourself skipping pages in the second and the third. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I certainly did.

Just to give you an idea 🙂

Christian Grey, the rather faded xerox copy of Edward, is predictably handsome, intelligent, kind, generous, strong, muscular and ultra-rich. He’s also a f***ing psycho, which seems to be the central theme of all three novels. Rather remarkable choice of subject, don’t you think? Anyway, here’s how the story goes (Don’t worry about spoilers, you could have written this yourself) : Anastasia Steele, your average lovely young virgin, goes to interview Grey and falls in love with him. But this Grey is more than you think. He has had a troubled childhood. As a result (please don’t ask me or expect the author to explain), he has turned into a control freak and a sadist, a dominant who likes to tie up young girls and do some extremely obscene things to them. Rich guy that he is, he has an entire room devoted to his Dom-Sub activities. He doesn’t have a heart, nor any tender feelings, he doesn’t do hearts and flowers. In his own words, he f**ks, and hard. Oh by the way, before he takes any of his subs to his “Red Room of Pain”, he makes them sign a non-disclosure agreement, although he knows that sort of an agreement can never be legally binding. Like I said, don’t ask me to explain.

To continue, this paragon decides to make Ana one of his subs and make good use of all his crops and whips and clamps(don’t ask) and plugs(please don’t ask) on her delicious young body. And then of course, she turns out to be more than he gave her credit for. She, in between numerous sessions of intense physical exertion, finds herself smitten, frightened or curious about this man. Yes, they fall in love. Yes, they fight. Yes they struggle to understand each other. Yes, he is overprotective and she finds that suffocating. Yes, she takes risks and he finds that frustrating. Yes, they go through a trial separation. Yes they get married. Yes there’s the obligatory villain and vamp. Yes there’s a happy ending. And yes, they have a lot of issues which they think they will talk and argue and fight about, but both their underwears melt at the sight of each other, all issues forgotten and forgiven. And Yes, of course, they f**k roughly a hundred times a book in about fifteen different ways. See what I meant about not bothering with spoiler alerts?

In my humble opinion, these books (pick any) are good. Provided you’re not looking for anything other than some light porn to pass the time. Ana’s inner goddess speaks way too much. Christian gets mad much too often. The rest of the cast is exactly what you get in any second-rate novel. The conversations are absurd. (For Americans, they speak in too British a way.) And all that fuss about Christian getting carried away with his dominant streak and Ana getting hurt because of it, well, trust me, it’s not worth it.

The books, admittedly, have been immensely popular. That’s understandable. Most people love soft porn. Especially when then can enjoy it while pretending to do something else, i.e, reading a novel. I heard someone say that these books are awesome, because they make men and women explore their own and each other’s sexuality. Well, no offense pal, but if you need to read three novels to explore your own or your husband/wife’s sexuality, maybe medical attention is what you need even more.

Laters, baby.

The Author

Most war or action novels have a few things in common : A handsome hero who can shoot you between the eyes with his left hand while he lights a cigar with his right, a funny sidekick who never ever tries to steal the limelight, a pretty girl who is in serious and frequent need of rescuing, and plenty of ugly, stupid bad guys. My favorite one of all time (and I assure you, I’ve read a lot), however, involves a single warship at sea. The handsome hero is missing, so are sidekicks and pretty girls. The bad guys are not ugly or stupid at all. They are menacing, ruthless and brilliant; and they manage to outfox the good guys at almost every turn.

Welcome to HMS Ulysses (1955), the first novel by the Scottish author Alistair Maclean.  Maclean, incidentally, also happens to be one of my favorite authors. The story takes place in the backdrop of World War II, and offers a barely believable and emotionally shattering picture of what used to happen in the ill-fated Russian Convoys of WWII. For those of you unfamiliar with the Russian convoys, please check out the link. Also, just to give you an idea of the conditions on those ships, here’s a glimpse of HMS Sheffield on a such a convoy sometime between 1941-45, courtesy Wikipedia :

To return to our story, it’s about an ill-fated voyage of a light cruiser of the Royal Navy. HMS Ulysses, a warship armed with all the latest technologies of her time, is used to escort the merchant ships through the Arctic Ocean, trying to protect them from German attacks as they sail to Russian ports carrying priceless supplies of war equipment.  Repeated voyages through the extreme arctic conditions, the cold, the violent sea, lack of sleep, exhaustion, hunger, and the ever-present fear of a sudden, violent death delivered by a German torpedo or bomb has pushed the crew beyond human endurance. And after a short, failed mutiny, HMS Ulysses is once again ordered North to escort FR77, a convoy sailing from America to the Russian ports of Archangel and Murmansk. Most of the crew went because they were past caring. A few others, like the Captain Vallery, chose to do the job simply because it had to be done. The captain, whom the crew actually loved, is not one of your typical heroes. He is old, sick and dying. His loathing of war is matched only by his bitterness at the futility of it. He does not give rousing speeches, he is not a one man army, he is not a genius. He is just a common man, full of compassion and understanding, whose primary concern is always his men. The voyage is a catastrophe right from the moment it begins. The convoy has to face freak accidents, an unbelievably fierce storm and relentless, determined German attacks throughout the way. Interestingly, unlike most WWII novels, the Germans are not painted as monsters. In fact, the respect the officers and especially the captain has for a brave, determined and intelligent enemy is refreshing and moving.

The beauty of the book is not in its portrayal of naval battles or assault tactics. It is in its depiction of the human elements of the war and the brilliant way Maclean builds each character, from a lowly able seaman to an admiral of the fleet. Maclean describes the sub-human conditions on those ships with a level of detail that will, frankly, torture you. This is not a happy book. Although you will find the occasional humor here and there, the book is heartbreakingly sad in many, many places. You will suffer with each member of the crew as they travel through the hell that the Russian Convoys were. You will cry with them as their beloved ones die around them, you will start praying that the sufferings of the Ulysses be over or that it has a lucky break for a change.  You will love the characters : Tyndall, the admiral with his temper and his pain, Captain Vallery –  the man who carried the ship on his back, Brooks – the good doctor, the L.T.O Ralston who lost his entire family in the war and begged his captain to stay with the ship, The Kapok Kid and Nicholls, Riley and Petersen, you’ll come to know them, you’ll love them and in the end, you’ll cry for them. As I told you before, this is not a happy book. The closest thing to this you have probably come across will the movie “Saving Private Ryan.” Just like the movie, this tells you about the futility of war, about the mindless violence that takes away so many good men, and for no reason. It will tell you how ordinary men, left with no hope and no relief rise up to be heroes.

It’s  a story that will make you sad, but it’s worth knowing, because what you read is actually what happened or used to happen in the convoys in the war. In case you doubt that, please note that the author himself served during the war on HMS Royalist, a ship of the same class as Ulysses. Also, this is scarcely believable, but the story of HMS Ulysses is based loosely on the true events on Convoy PQ-17, a similar convoy which was travelling to Archangel in 1942 under similar conditions, and met a remarkably similar fate.

Alistair MacLean

Alistair MacLean (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It was 2 am, a crescent moon was giving the perfect glow that the sea needed as we lay on the beach with a million stars twinkling above us. Chandu, an expert astronomer was guiding us through the Orion and Taurus constellations. I have never seen a clearer sky. Tanay got up to guard the wind to light up a joint. We were already hallucinating with clouds looking like  Hanumanji flying and the boulders around us looking like some fairytale beasts.  We passed the joint around and finished the last bottle of beer. Somewhere around 100 mts from where we sat a group of foreigners were singing and playing guitar around a bonfire. The tune sounded like a song by Floyd, “Wish you were here”.  It’s been 5 years and I can still remember the smell in the air.

Om beach, a place in the western ghats not known by many. The best way to reach is by trekking from Gokarna town. It’s an easy but exciting 4 hours trek where you walk  through jungles and cross small streams with a beautiful view of the Arabian sea on one side. With the first glimple of Om beach you will understand why its called so.

India Karnataka Om Beach

India Karnataka Om Beach (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After reaching we searched for a decent place to stay, Namaste Cafe had no rooms to spare. We were already high on 5 joints and were dying of hunger. We ordered some fish n chips and beer. The interior was very interesting with painted mud walls and ashtrays made of bamboo. The whole structure looked like a temporary shelter with no modern technologies used for anything. The 2 best things that I like about Om beach is, it has limited supply of electricity and no mobile network. A perfect vacation from civilization. No laws, no rules, practically you can do anything anywhere so long as you don’t bother someone else, in which case you’ll be thrown out. As we sat inside the cafe,  I saw the people from places all over the world. Some of them playing with their children, some reading books in the sunlight and some writing diaries and  some rolling joints or making a chillum. The place had an unnaturaly peaceful environment. No one had any idea which day or date it is or the time. No connection to the outer world. Its like living in a secluded island with a handful of people from different countries with same purpose.

Om Ganesh Cafe was around 10 minutes walk from were we stayed and the cafe looked like the place you always wanted to stay. A colourful and comfortable place. The interior was simple and everything informal. A tall dark guy wearing lungi (a wrap-around for guys covering from waist to feet) and a white vest with a big bright red flower tucket behind his left ear was the cook . He sat on top of our table with a huge smile and asked for our order. Everything was right out of a fairytale. The food was tasty, cheap and served in good quantity. The ambience was perfect with indian classical fusion music and beautiful colourful curtains flying around and everything around us was organic.  A beautiful clean beach, with hills in the backdrop and a few happy and trippy people around. A perfect place to get high.

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All we did those 3 days was eat, drink, smoke and stare at the untouched beauty of nature at its best. The experiences were crazy and strange. The silence so deep that you will hear the sound of your own heartbeat. The night was a playground for moonlight, darkness and stars. We were like alice in worderland. It was a journey that can never be forgotten, and it was nature that blew me again.

For those who might be interested in visiting the place, here’s the necessary info, courtesy Wikipedia :

Gokarna is about 453 km from Bangalore, 238 km north of Mangalore and about 59 km from Karwar. It is between the Gangavali and Agnashini rivers and situated along the Karwar coast by the Arabian Sea. It is 200 km north from the college towns of Suratkal and Manipal. Gokarna can be reached by buses and maxicabs from Kumta (36 km), Ankola (26 km) and Karwar (59 km) on National Highway 17( NH-17 ). Karnataka State Road Transport Corporation (KSRTC) also runs long-journey buses from many cities like Panaji, Bangalore and Mangalore. Private buses (Vijayanand Roadlines – VRL, Sugama, Sea Bird, etc.) operate night journeys from the capital city of Bangalore to Gokarna daily. It can be reached by train Konkan Railway on the Mumbai to Mangalore route. The railway station ( called Gokarna Road ) is 6 km away from the town. The nearest airports are Dabolim at Goa and Mangalore International Airport at Bajpe.

I kept staring at that small piece of rock (approximate 36 square-inch) which  was not reliable enough to risk my life on. I do not know how long I was staring at that but it seemed like hours . A  thousand thoughts crossed my mind . It was the first time when I felt like praying to GOD .Trust me it was the first time I prayed .Then  I thought of looking at the surroundings for the last time before I take the decision . I took a glimpse .

Well , In short I was standing at 500 ft above ground ,  15,500 ft above sea level , climbing a steep 75 degree slope of a  half naked eroded hill made of loose rocks and boulders which were rolling down frequently.  I was standing on the middle of a waterfall and waiting for the last action to cross it . If I look down I could see the Gangotri glacier stretching 20Kms long and 4kms wide. No site of greenery as far as eyes could see. It was like crossing a desert of rocks and boulders . Retreating was pointless . I looked up to get a glimpse of the lakshya (final destination). 100mts left  to reach Tapovan .

My total weight 130Kg . No am not that fat!! 75kg  is of my of  my once athletic  body and a 55kg backpack . I had to do a  full stretch to place my right foot on that 36 square-inch rock which was covered with moss and looked slippery . Then cross my left foot immediately from behind and do a full stretch again to reach the other side of the waterfall . And I had to do this real fast because  that small rock was just not stable enough.  I had to make sure I do not lose my body balance in this process or else I will  fall through the waterfall and my body will be untraceable. Unfortunately it was not a part of AXN Fear Factor, else it would have followed with a loud applause and half  naked chicks  jumping and clapping and maybe giving me hugs and kisses. Sigh …

After completing the most difficult 100mt climb of my life we reached Tapovan . And what i saw once I reach there ? You guys must be dying to know that . Well its a place which cannot be described in words.I tried write a paragraph 5 times and none of them were worthy enough.  Let it be portrayed through photographs.

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All of that would not have been possible without the help and support of the entire group which consisted of 11 guys ( Tanay, Garg, Gunjan, Jhankar, Major, Ruru-da, Achintya, Subhodip, Vineet, Khatri and me ) and 11 porters including one guide. Crossing a rapid  on 2 thin logs, walking on the edges of the mountains were one wrong step will make you fall a 1000ft , step jumping on loose rocks to cross glaciers or spending the coldest night of my life inside a cave  would not have been possible without them.

Lets give you a brief idea of how we reached Tapovan from Haridwar. We took a traveller van and after  8 hours of riding through the winding snake-like highway along the river Ganga we reached Uttarkashi,  a small town on the banks of Ganga. Next day we left for Gangotri, its a small town at 10,000ft altitude with a beautiful view of Ganga and snow peaked mountains. Its also a pilgrimage spot as this is where the Ganga used to originate according to the Purans, the source has now moved back almost 20kms to a place called Gamukh. We reached Gangotri in the afternoon after a dangerous ride through landslide hit roads. From there the next day early morning we started the trek. We walked 16Kms and reached Bhojbasa(14,000ft), the only place with human habitat between Gangotri and Tapovan. After a night’s rest in the tent we started off  for the last half of trekking. We crossed Gamukh (the birthplace of Ganga) and walked through the  cold desert of loose rocks and glaciers to reach Tapovan. The main motivation which kept us going was the view. I had to pause after every 15 minutes for a 360 degree view of the place and each time it was more beautiful, exciting and dangerous. It was breathtaking and out of the world experience, specially for city dwellers like us. It’s like a dreamland where everything is out of proportion and massive. This experience will make you realize the value of life and many more important lessons.

I am grateful to Himalaya Trekkers for this opportunity. By the way, I might write one more blog about the experiences during my 3 night stay in Tapovan and how we survived there. Don’t miss it.

Cheers to life !!!

P.S : If you want to know more please ask.

English: Gangotri/Gaumukh Namarupa Mahayatra 2...

English: Gangotri/Gaumukh Namarupa Mahayatra 2009 (Terminus of the Gangotri Glacier, Gangotri, Uttarakhand, India) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m not really fond of TV series. Apart from a few exceptions like F.R.I.E.N.D.S or The Big Bang Theory, I’ve never been able to sit through more than a couple of episodes of any. When a friend of mine offered to lend me a couple of seasons of the 2010 BBC series “Sherlock“, I was reluctant to take it up. Little did I know then, that this Sherlock Holmes would be fond of location trackers and would be addicted to texting from his ( or anyone else’s ) mobile phone. That’s right. The BBC series Sherlock ( 2010 and 2011 ) portrays the super sleuth in our modern-day world of laptops, smartphones and Google Maps. And I must say, whoever had this idea, it has worked, and brilliantly.  When I sat down to watch the first episode, I had to resolved to quit it at the first uttering of, “Elementary, my dear Watson.” Instead, my first viewing session lasted a little over three hours, two episodes back to back.

The series, created by Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat is loosely based on Sir Conan Doyle‘s work. The episodes have been created by liberally altering and adapting using the shorter stories in the Sherlock Holmes series. Benedict Cumberbatch, whom you probably have never heard of) plays a young, restless and superb Sherlock Holmes. This Sherlock solves mysteries making liberal use of smartphones, location trackers, graffiti artists as well his famous “Science of deduction.” He even has a live blog that you can actually visit: http://www.thescienceofdeduction.co.uk/ Martin Freeman, whom you just might remember from Love Actually (the porn actor), plays the legendary Dr. Watson. Just like Sherlock, Dr. Watson is also nothing like you might imagine. He’s a young veteran of the Afghanistan War, misses the war according to Sherlock’s brother Mycroft, and is far more active than Sir Doyle described in his books. The archenemy Moriarty is there, played by Andrew Scot. Interestingly, he is not portrayed as a professor living a dual life like in Conan Doyle’s originals. Here he is a criminal. He is unpredictable, cold and menacing; a ruthless anarchist who is determined to destroy Sherlock Holmes no matter what the cost or the consequences. Irene Adler is there too, played by a very beautiful and sexy Lara Pulver. Good news for perverts and warning note for responsible parents : There’s a nude scene of her in the series. In all honesty though, she doesn’t show much.

The best thing about this series is the refreshing new approach to the Holmes legend. The characterization of Holmes and Watson might seem a little along the lines of the Guy Richie movies, but there the similarity ends. The changes made in the original stories to suit the modern backdrop have been reasonable and aesthetically done. If you like it, and most of us will, you will have one complaint though : the scarcity of content. So far, there has been only two seasons with three one and half hour episodes in each. BBC has just confirmed that there will be a third season, so let’s look forward to it.

Moriarty

I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun ,
I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on.
I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on,
I wish I was the verb ‘to trust’ and never let you down.

And they have never let me down. You know, its very difficult for something to be my favourite as am a big critic and its almost impossible for that thing to stay in that position for 5 years. When the field is music you can understand the competition and being a music buff, I have searched, researched on all kinds of international and national bands. I found and heard almost everything from Pink Floyd’s ‘Comfortably numb’ to Devang Patel’s ‘Pichhadi pe kutta kata’. But I havn’t found anybody else who lifts my spirit out of my body and  pumps my heart so fast that I feel like an animal and sometimes slows it down so much that I feel like dead. The lyrics so powerful that it gives me the strength to be a rebel and bring out those feelings which I have never felt before. They are Pearl Jam. A 5 member powerhouse. Inspiring millions and rocking the world since 1990.

Like Nirvana, Alice In Chains, Mother Love Bone they also started from Seattle, USA. Then within a very short span of time they won hearts of millions all over the world.

” Till date, the band has sold over 31.5 million records in the U.S, and an estimated 60 million worldwide. Pearl Jam has outlasted many of its contemporaries from the alternative rock breakthrough of the early 1990s, and is considered one of the most influential bands of the decade. Stephen Thomas Erlewine of Allmusic referred to Pearl Jam as “the most popular American rock & roll band of the ’90s.” Pearl Jam will be eligible to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2016.” [courtesy http://www.wikipedia.org].

Trust me you don’t need the opinion of some referrer from Allmusic to know that they are the greatest. Just listen to them and you will realize it better than anyone.This 5 member band consists of  Matt Cameron as drummer, Mike McCready as lead guitarist, Stone Gossard in rhythm and lead guitars, Jeff Ament as bassist and Eddie Vedder as an idol.

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Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard initially started a band with the tremendously charismatic Andrew Wood on the vocals and called themselves Mother Love Bone. Later in an interview Gossard said Andrew was the person who made them feel like rockstars for the first time. Later Andy died due to drug overdose, they were devastated and they needed a vocalist to replace someone like Andy. Then Mike McCready and Cameron joined in but still no vocalist. Months later they heard the voice of the ‘new kid’ Eddie from a demo cassette that Jeff  found and the band finally got everything that was remaining. I haven’t heard a person like Eddie with so much voice modulation. Eddie has this amazing baritone voice which makes you feel like the voice is coming from the sky and beaming all over you like God speaking to you. He can scream like an animal  and has an amazing range in his voice and has also worked with the famous Sufi singer Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.Then the band went for several world tours (not yet in India though). If you see Pearl jam live shows  through the years you can see how they got mature and how innovative they always are and how they will always surprise you with stage jumps and crazy expressions and emotions. Starting from the famous stage jump in 1992 PinkPop Festival  and then MTV Unplugged, Immagine in Cornice which is like a tour video and many more. Recently Cameron Crowe made an awesome documentary on them called PJ20, do watch it. While watching the shows, you just can’t take your eyes off Eddie. He has this way of communicating with the crowd which makes you respect him, respect his thoughts  and makes you be like him. He will push you to the edge and hypnotize you with his words, expressions and gestures. You will feel free and different.

Each song will give you a different trip. You will feel like a madman if u listen to ‘evenflow’, ‘porch’ or ‘do the evolution’, you will feel like floating when u listen to ‘release’ ,’thin air’ or ‘given to fly’. You will feel pain when you listen to ‘alive’ or ‘last kiss’ and songs like ‘wishlist’ and ‘better man’  will give you hopes. They have released 9 albums till now.

Listen to them all. You will get to hear the amazing chemistry in their composition which is only possible when amazing musicians play with each other for a really long time. I have heard a lot of  amazing lead guitarist like Jimmy Page, David Gilmour, Van Halen, Slash, John Frusciante, Jerry Cantrell and many more, but the playing of Mike McCready just fits with the songs so well that even if he is not technically talented like David Gilmour or Van Halen, Mike sounds more real and passionate. Jeff Ament on the other hand does a wonderfull job with the bass, you will realize that the bass lines are pretty tricky in songs like Jeremy and Alive. Matt Cameron is just awesome. He is one of my favourite drummer. My favourite being Mike Portnoy (used to play for Dream Theatre). Stone Gossard is a mastermind composer and he together with Eddie have composed those wonderful tracks through years.

One last thing I want to say : Hey Eddie …. am already saving up so that one day I can see you perform. I promise you I will bribe and beg to the security and will definitely meet you personally and when I do so , God help you.  Stay away from fans like us.

Love you Pearl jam!!

Pearl Jam koncert 2006-ban a bécsi Stadthalle-...

Pearl Jam koncert 2006-ban a bécsi Stadthalle-ban. / Pearl Jam 2006 Stadthalle, Wien (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Indian actor Aamir Khan

Taslima Nasreen receiving Ananda Award.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Madame Taslima Nasreen is upset. “Who’s that?”, you might ask. Well, folks, she’s the Rakhi Sawant of the literary circles. That cheap woman who has been trying to earn some cheap publicity since the early 90s through the oldest proven way. By creating a controversy. Now most people of her kind, the honorable Poonam Pandey, Kim Kardashian et al, go for creating a shock among the population and then riding that controversy to sell things; books, reality shows, lingerie lines etc. This lady, had a brilliant plan. She has been writing consistently(Yes, I’ve read a few, out of curiosity) to the effect that Islam is..well, not that holy, The Prophet was…well, not a nice person and practically every man, especially a Muslim man, from her own uncle to every renowned author and artist, is a sex-offender and a child-molester. Sorry about not being more specific, but I cannot write the specifics without vomiting, and they’re certainly not worth reading. In short, what she tried to write is sort of halfway between Mein Kampf and Letters to Penthouse, with neither the fire of the first or the pleasure of the second. But I digress, I’m sorry. I am not going to not going to waste my time judging the literary merits of her writings, for the excellent reason that they don’t have any.

We hear that her ladyship is upset these days. She has been upset since she learned that Aamir Khan‘s Satyamev Jayate has generated a lot of interest and concern among the populace. Her problem, in her own words, “From now on film stars should talk about social problems on TV. Everybody will listen to them. Ppl don’t listen to human rights activists (sic).” Right. For starters, who’s the human rights activist? You?? Kinda forgotten, haven’t we, that two people died in a police shooting in Kerala while protesting against your filth, and you declared that you’re not sorry? Besides, what exactly is it that you’re upset about? You always claimed to be a champion of oppressed women. You should be cheering that people are finally waking up to the realities of female foeticide. Why does it bother you that people listen to filmstars and not to you? Isn’t it more important that they are listening? The lady also has a few more grand ideas and suggestions.  She wrote, “Dear Salman Khan, please talk about rape, domestic violence and dowry murder on TV tomorrow. Ppl should know about these problems(sic),” and added, “Dear Shahrukh Khan, pl talk about sexual abuse & sexual slavery on TV. Ppl shd know about these problems. We talk, but we’re not film stars(sic).” For once, I agree. If they do, people will listen. You know why, you fake? Because these people are good at what they do. And people tend to listen to such people. Yes, the glam factor plays a role too, of course.  And I would be the first to agree that the stars often take up social activities to promote themselves. What on earth is wrong with that? It’s how they earn their living. And if some social good comes of that marketing plan, it is good for everyone.

Yes, I know what you’ve been thinking since that tweet. “Uh-oh, I just proved, with my own words, that I’m concerned more about my popularity than those issues and those poor women I holler about.” Don’t worry sweetheart, all hypocrites sooner or later let slip their true colors. Seems this was your turn.

The second grand idea the mad woman had, is even better. “I’ll put a film star’s name as author of my next book and will put his/her pretty face on the cover(sic),” she wrote. Yes, please do. We’ll be spared your filth. A lot of people will be spared the trouble of rioting and protesting. The police will be spared a few difficult days of public disturbance. The government will be spared a few debates. And we will be spared your ugly face on morning television, hopefully. Anyways, in case you’re really truthful about this great idea for your next book, and you seldom are about anything, may I suggest that it’s Deepika Padukone’s pretty face you choose, not just for the cover but for all the pages?

Tell me, Ms. Nasreen, you have cried and raved and ranted a lot about the fact that you don’t have a country to call home. Have you ever asked yourself why? Have you ever wondered, why is it that in a country like India, where even Baba Ramdev is popular, you cannot find a home? I don’t know what exactly is the problem you’ve got with Islam and it’s believers. And I honestly don’t care. What I do know is this : If a million of my countrymen, (and make no mistake, they are my countrymen) are offended when you open your mouth, you better shut up. You don’t believe in Islam or The Prophet? I’ve got news for you love, I don’t even believe in God. And I’ve always said so, along with my reasons when asked, to Hindus, Muslims, Christians and Buddhists. Nobody has asked for my head, nobody has demanded that I leave the country. It’s time you learned that the constitution guarantees freedom of Speech, not Abuse.  Yes, I’ve always known that TV shows are meant to be sold, and nothing else. Nobody ever pretended otherwise. Why are you so mad? And finally, let me get this straight, you are upset that people are paying more attention to Aamir Khan than they ever paid you? That’s hilarious!

I’ll tell you why you’re not so popular as Aamir Khan, despite all your pathetic efforts. I’ll tell you why everybody hates you. I’ll tell you why nobody listens to you. It’s because they see through your bullshit. They saw through the Viswa Hindu Parishad’s bullshit, they saw through the neo-nazis propaganda, they saw through George Bush’ WMD theory, and now they have seen through yours. Tough Luck, sweetheart, happens to you all. If you’re still confused, I’ll make it more simple.

It’s because you cannot fool too many people for too long. Remember the name of the show you are so upset about?

“Satyamev Jayate”

Truth Alone Prevails, Bitch!