Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

Indian actor Aamir Khan

Taslima Nasreen receiving Ananda Award.










Madame Taslima Nasreen is upset. “Who’s that?”, you might ask. Well, folks, she’s the Rakhi Sawant of the literary circles. That cheap woman who has been trying to earn some cheap publicity since the early 90s through the oldest proven way. By creating a controversy. Now most people of her kind, the honorable Poonam Pandey, Kim Kardashian et al, go for creating a shock among the population and then riding that controversy to sell things; books, reality shows, lingerie lines etc. This lady, had a brilliant plan. She has been writing consistently(Yes, I’ve read a few, out of curiosity) to the effect that Islam is..well, not that holy, The Prophet was…well, not a nice person and practically every man, especially a Muslim man, from her own uncle to every renowned author and artist, is a sex-offender and a child-molester. Sorry about not being more specific, but I cannot write the specifics without vomiting, and they’re certainly not worth reading. In short, what she tried to write is sort of halfway between Mein Kampf and Letters to Penthouse, with neither the fire of the first or the pleasure of the second. But I digress, I’m sorry. I am not going to not going to waste my time judging the literary merits of her writings, for the excellent reason that they don’t have any.

We hear that her ladyship is upset these days. She has been upset since she learned that Aamir Khan‘s Satyamev Jayate has generated a lot of interest and concern among the populace. Her problem, in her own words, “From now on film stars should talk about social problems on TV. Everybody will listen to them. Ppl don’t listen to human rights activists (sic).” Right. For starters, who’s the human rights activist? You?? Kinda forgotten, haven’t we, that two people died in a police shooting in Kerala while protesting against your filth, and you declared that you’re not sorry? Besides, what exactly is it that you’re upset about? You always claimed to be a champion of oppressed women. You should be cheering that people are finally waking up to the realities of female foeticide. Why does it bother you that people listen to filmstars and not to you? Isn’t it more important that they are listening? The lady also has a few more grand ideas and suggestions.  She wrote, “Dear Salman Khan, please talk about rape, domestic violence and dowry murder on TV tomorrow. Ppl should know about these problems(sic),” and added, “Dear Shahrukh Khan, pl talk about sexual abuse & sexual slavery on TV. Ppl shd know about these problems. We talk, but we’re not film stars(sic).” For once, I agree. If they do, people will listen. You know why, you fake? Because these people are good at what they do. And people tend to listen to such people. Yes, the glam factor plays a role too, of course.  And I would be the first to agree that the stars often take up social activities to promote themselves. What on earth is wrong with that? It’s how they earn their living. And if some social good comes of that marketing plan, it is good for everyone.

Yes, I know what you’ve been thinking since that tweet. “Uh-oh, I just proved, with my own words, that I’m concerned more about my popularity than those issues and those poor women I holler about.” Don’t worry sweetheart, all hypocrites sooner or later let slip their true colors. Seems this was your turn.

The second grand idea the mad woman had, is even better. “I’ll put a film star’s name as author of my next book and will put his/her pretty face on the cover(sic),” she wrote. Yes, please do. We’ll be spared your filth. A lot of people will be spared the trouble of rioting and protesting. The police will be spared a few difficult days of public disturbance. The government will be spared a few debates. And we will be spared your ugly face on morning television, hopefully. Anyways, in case you’re really truthful about this great idea for your next book, and you seldom are about anything, may I suggest that it’s Deepika Padukone’s pretty face you choose, not just for the cover but for all the pages?

Tell me, Ms. Nasreen, you have cried and raved and ranted a lot about the fact that you don’t have a country to call home. Have you ever asked yourself why? Have you ever wondered, why is it that in a country like India, where even Baba Ramdev is popular, you cannot find a home? I don’t know what exactly is the problem you’ve got with Islam and it’s believers. And I honestly don’t care. What I do know is this : If a million of my countrymen, (and make no mistake, they are my countrymen) are offended when you open your mouth, you better shut up. You don’t believe in Islam or The Prophet? I’ve got news for you love, I don’t even believe in God. And I’ve always said so, along with my reasons when asked, to Hindus, Muslims, Christians and Buddhists. Nobody has asked for my head, nobody has demanded that I leave the country. It’s time you learned that the constitution guarantees freedom of Speech, not Abuse.  Yes, I’ve always known that TV shows are meant to be sold, and nothing else. Nobody ever pretended otherwise. Why are you so mad? And finally, let me get this straight, you are upset that people are paying more attention to Aamir Khan than they ever paid you? That’s hilarious!

I’ll tell you why you’re not so popular as Aamir Khan, despite all your pathetic efforts. I’ll tell you why everybody hates you. I’ll tell you why nobody listens to you. It’s because they see through your bullshit. They saw through the Viswa Hindu Parishad’s bullshit, they saw through the neo-nazis propaganda, they saw through George Bush’ WMD theory, and now they have seen through yours. Tough Luck, sweetheart, happens to you all. If you’re still confused, I’ll make it more simple.

It’s because you cannot fool too many people for too long. Remember the name of the show you are so upset about?

“Satyamev Jayate”

Truth Alone Prevails, Bitch!


We Indians are a strange breed. For the last month or so, we have been talking, reading newspapers  and watching the news channels like crazy to learn as much as we can about who is going to be the next president of India, as if we are very concerned and that it means a lot to us. And we have dutifully done this once every five years, during the presidential elections. We seem to have forgotten that ever since we were kids, we have all participated in a discussion at least once every few months about how unnecessary and useless that post is. How it is a complete waste of taxpayers’ money, everyone’s time and some prime real estate in the heart of the capital.  Once a person is selected we have invariably criticised him, or lately her, for not living up to our standards, for not being perfect, for having flaws that we decided were critical for a President. Let’s take a look :

Dr. Shankar Dayal Sharma was the ninth Preside...

The first President of my time that I can remember was Dr.  Shankar Dayal Sharma (1992 to 1997). I remember that we had numerous complaints against him when we were in school. “He is fat”, we used laugh, “He has a broken knee, he can’t even walk properly.”, “Look at him, he’s soooo old.” Conveniently forgotten were the the facts that the guy was a freedom-fighter, a professor at Cambridge and an internationally famed legal expert.

Eby J Jose with K.R.Narayanan,President of Ind...

Eby J Jose with K.R.Narayanan,President of India(2003) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Then came K. R. Narayanan (1997 to 2002). The biggest concern people seemed to have against him was, “Who’s he??”  Or “He’s a nobody! I’ve never heard of him!!” Nobody bothered to learn that this “Nobody” was a student of the London School of Economics, had been described by Nehru as “The best diplomat of the country”, and was the first president in the history of India who cared enough about the democratic process to go out and vote in the general elections while he held office.

Pic taken at 12th WIEF

Our next president was Dr. A P J Abdul Kalam(2002 to 2007). People already knew him as the Missile Man after the Agni launches and the Pokhran Nuclear tests. He was educated, cultured, a genius and had a string of achievements. You would think people would love him, and most people did. However, pathetic that we are, we still found a a reason to criticise him after much soul-searching. This guy had a Bad Hairstyle. Hardly believable, but true. I remember opinion polls on a news channel asking ” Do you want President Dr. Kalam to cut his hair? ”

President of India

Finally, we had Pratibha Patil(2007 to 2012), who is ending her term in a couple of months. The complaint against herhas been unique. “Oh we love the idea of a woman president! It’s just that she looks rather lame in her white sarees and full-sleeve, high-neck blouses, you know. I mean, come on dude,  she wears that saree even on her trips to sea beaches. Not real presidential, is it? ”

Great! So, we don’t want a president who is fat, old, has a bad leg, is not famous, or, most importantly has bad hair. We don’t mind a woman president, but mind you, she shouldn’t wear saree and boring blouses.

Right!  So, we would want a president who is slim, young, has a good leg, is famous and has well-groomed hair. If it’s a woman, she should know better than to wear those boring sarees. Especially when she’s on a beach. That’s all that matters, yes?

Awesome!! You know, I have just the right candidate for you : 

Jai Ho !!