Posts Tagged ‘Grey’

When you see an erotic novel, er..a trilogy topping the bestseller charts, you naturally assume that the books have something more than, well, “kinky f**kery” as the author of the said trilogy describes it. Turns out you could be wrong. The Fifty Shades trilogy, which is made up of the books “Fifty Shades of Grey“, “Fifty Shades Darker” and “Fifty Shades Freed“, offers little more than some extremely detailed and just moderately innovative sex.

E.L. James, the author of the series, used to write fanfiction. Fifty Shades, I’m told, is an adaptation of a fanfiction (If you can believe there’s such a thing) that she wrote on the Twilight Series. Now if you have read a few fanfictions, and I have, you’ll have noticed two common traits present in most of them. One, the authors always make the characters bigger and grander than in the original books, sort of a pathetic bid to outdo the original authors. Two, a lot and a lot and a lot of completely unnecessary sex. If that sounds bad in the context of Twilight, believe me, there are fan-written versions of Harry Potter that will make you gag.

Anyway, to get back to the topic at hand : Fifty Shades fits those two characteristics perfectly. Edward in Twilight was good-looking.  Christian Grey of Fifty Shades is impossibly good-looking and handsome. Edward and his family was rich. Christian of Fifty Shades earns “roughly a hundred thousand dollars an hour” and belongs to an old rich family. Bella’s mom and dad were divorced. Anastasia Steele’s mom has been through no less than four husbands. Get the picture?

As for the second characteristic that I mentioned of fanfictions, you are not going to be disappointed. In fact, you might get tired of it by the end of the first part and find yourself skipping pages in the second and the third. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I certainly did.

Just to give you an idea 🙂

Christian Grey, the rather faded xerox copy of Edward, is predictably handsome, intelligent, kind, generous, strong, muscular and ultra-rich. He’s also a f***ing psycho, which seems to be the central theme of all three novels. Rather remarkable choice of subject, don’t you think? Anyway, here’s how the story goes (Don’t worry about spoilers, you could have written this yourself) : Anastasia Steele, your average lovely young virgin, goes to interview Grey and falls in love with him. But this Grey is more than you think. He has had a troubled childhood. As a result (please don’t ask me or expect the author to explain), he has turned into a control freak and a sadist, a dominant who likes to tie up young girls and do some extremely obscene things to them. Rich guy that he is, he has an entire room devoted to his Dom-Sub activities. He doesn’t have a heart, nor any tender feelings, he doesn’t do hearts and flowers. In his own words, he f**ks, and hard. Oh by the way, before he takes any of his subs to his “Red Room of Pain”, he makes them sign a non-disclosure agreement, although he knows that sort of an agreement can never be legally binding. Like I said, don’t ask me to explain.

To continue, this paragon decides to make Ana one of his subs and make good use of all his crops and whips and clamps(don’t ask) and plugs(please don’t ask) on her delicious young body. And then of course, she turns out to be more than he gave her credit for. She, in between numerous sessions of intense physical exertion, finds herself smitten, frightened or curious about this man. Yes, they fall in love. Yes, they fight. Yes they struggle to understand each other. Yes, he is overprotective and she finds that suffocating. Yes, she takes risks and he finds that frustrating. Yes, they go through a trial separation. Yes they get married. Yes there’s the obligatory villain and vamp. Yes there’s a happy ending. And yes, they have a lot of issues which they think they will talk and argue and fight about, but both their underwears melt at the sight of each other, all issues forgotten and forgiven. And Yes, of course, they f**k roughly a hundred times a book in about fifteen different ways. See what I meant about not bothering with spoiler alerts?

In my humble opinion, these books (pick any) are good. Provided you’re not looking for anything other than some light porn to pass the time. Ana’s inner goddess speaks way too much. Christian gets mad much too often. The rest of the cast is exactly what you get in any second-rate novel. The conversations are absurd. (For Americans, they speak in too British a way.) And all that fuss about Christian getting carried away with his dominant streak and Ana getting hurt because of it, well, trust me, it’s not worth it.

The books, admittedly, have been immensely popular. That’s understandable. Most people love soft porn. Especially when then can enjoy it while pretending to do something else, i.e, reading a novel. I heard someone say that these books are awesome, because they make men and women explore their own and each other’s sexuality. Well, no offense pal, but if you need to read three novels to explore your own or your husband/wife’s sexuality, maybe medical attention is what you need even more.

Laters, baby.

The Author