The Next President of India

We Indians are a strange breed. For the last month or so, we have been talking, reading newspapers  and watching the news channels like crazy to learn as much as we can about who is going to be the next president of India, as if we are very concerned and that it means a lot to us. And we have dutifully done this once every five years, during the presidential elections. We seem to have forgotten that ever since we were kids, we have all participated in a discussion at least once every few months about how unnecessary and useless that post is. How it is a complete waste of taxpayers’ money, everyone’s time and some prime real estate in the heart of the capital.  Once a person is selected we have invariably criticised him, or lately her, for not living up to our standards, for not being perfect, for having flaws that we decided were critical for a President. Let’s take a look :

The first President of my time that I can remember was Dr.  Shankar Dayal Sharma (1992 to 1997). I remember that we had numerous complaints against him when we were in school. “He is fat”, we used laugh, “He has a broken knee, he can’t even walk properly.”, “Look at him, he’s soooo old.” Conveniently forgotten were the the facts that the guy was a freedom-fighter, a professor at Cambridge and an internationally famed legal expert.

Eby J Jose with K.R.Narayanan,President of India(2003) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Then came K. R. Narayanan (1997 to 2002). The biggest concern people seemed to have against him was, “Who’s he??”  Or “He’s a nobody! I’ve never heard of him!!” Nobody bothered to learn that this “Nobody” was a student of the London School of Economics, had been described by Nehru as “The best diplomat of the country”, and was the first president in the history of India who cared enough about the democratic process to go out and vote in the general elections while he held office.

Our next president was Dr. A P J Abdul Kalam(2002 to 2007). People already knew him as the Missile Man after the Agni launches and the Pokhran Nuclear tests. He was educated, cultured, a genius and had a string of achievements. You would think people would love him, and most people did. However, pathetic that we are, we still found a a reason to criticise him after much soul-searching. This guy had a Bad Hairstyle. Hardly believable, but true. I remember opinion polls on a news channel asking ” Do you want President Dr. Kalam to cut his hair? ”

Finally, we had Pratibha Patil(2007 to 2012), who is ending her term in a couple of months. The complaint against herhas been unique. “Oh we love the idea of a woman president! It’s just that she looks rather lame in her white sarees and full-sleeve, high-neck blouses, you know. I mean, come on dude,  she wears that saree even on her trips to sea beaches. Not real presidential, is it? ”

Great! So, we don’t want a president who is fat, old, has a bad leg, is not famous, or, most importantly has bad hair. We don’t mind a woman president, but mind you, she shouldn’t wear saree and boring blouses.

Right!  So, we would want a president who is slim, young, has a good leg, is famous and has well-groomed hair. If it’s a woman, she should know better than to wear those boring sarees. Especially when she’s on a beach. That’s all that matters, yes?

Awesome!! You know, I have just the right candidate for you : 

Jai Ho !!

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